Time & Money Should Get Married

I feel like a bank robber when I go to the tax man. They seem to look through you as a person, and see numbers and red flags. Kinda like getting a physical from the doctor. "Okay, what's wrong? What do the numbers say?" Tax returns are not my friendly good feeling favorite thing to do.

We decided to have like 3 appointments on the day we did the taxes. May as well do it ALL when we leave town. That's not always the most peaceful and relaxing choice to make with the whole family stuffed in the cab. Unfortunately, we got there about an hour before any of the appointments started. This leaves 3 restless girls on the backseat ready to bounce out the door.
We made the slick decision to go to the playground. It was about 20 degrees. The kids lasted about 10 minutes. Their parents were sitting in the heated cab of the pickup after about 4!
Aha, another good decision! Two spicy Italian footlongs from Subway. Back to the picnic tables for the explosion of food.

After I leave the house is when I really take in what my kids are wearing. Especially the middle child. I looked now as we ate our sandwiches and she gave us a tap dancing routine in her pink cowgirl boots on top of the table. Her tall Peruvian goat herding hat flopping on top of her head. I just started to laugh! She flailed around like a sugared up country girl. Kids just want to have fun. Parent just want a tax refund! Dang adults anyway.



I guess I just don't understand money yet. It's the sweet ticket. It's food, shelter, gas, and fun stuff. It takes a lot of time to make it, generally. Where is the money tree? I've heard money is evil. If this is true then so is food. You can do "evil" things with any good thing. Money is lovely! When we have it we go to motels and we buy the good drinks and we put lots of diesel in the truck and drive, drive, drive. We get gidgets and gadgets that make this 'ole life a little easier. I personally like spending too much on music and movies. Shoes! Yah, shoes for sure! When we have money we have more time to just BE together and not worry so much about work. What a funny little circle we run.

I have big ideas though. I don't give up too easy. I've got a plan to trick this old money circle. Its a form of positive denial. I am going to practice feeling rich! I am going to say, "Boy, we are living the best of the best right now." And, I plan to say it A LOT. Then pretty soon I will believe it is easy and then it will be. Because, really, we are! We are healthy, strong, beautiful people.

I learned this trick from the kids. They make believe everything. Hannah, my 9 year old, was walking around the house with the play phone, laptop and wallet full of money. She sounded very serious in her business. She was busy "blogging" she told me. And she apparently wasn't hurting financially! She had a good 15 minute telephone conference with some agent. I remember being a kid and doing stuff like this...with 80's technology, mind you. I remember playing "adult" all the time. Oh, man, if only we knew how long adult hood was going to be...we might have played "kid" more.

So the tax man turned out to be a woman and we went in and split jobs and kids and appointments and made it without disaster, for the most part. We bought suckers and went on little outside walks and IRS stuff is done again for another year. And of course my thought is all organization for 2011. No more keeping things I don't need and tossing things I'm 'spose to keep. I will do it perfectly this year...until about July. Then I'll look in the box and say things like, "Why is the March bill in the May slot?" and "Where did that hot water heater receipt go?"
I'm not the only one. I could start a little club of good intentioned mis-prioritizers like myself and we would all share our stories over coffee with kids playing and tap dancing in the background. We would laugh because the government must have the same problem...minus the kids.

I've grown up in low income areas all of my life. What does this mean? Well, there's the politically correct way to describe it, and the red neck way. I'll just skip the first one. "Low income" means that you know what's on sale at the discount store because it's what you and all of your neighbors are having for dinner. You drive around in the back of your Dad's Toyota Corolla wondering if it's going to break down. It means you have a sack lunch and so does everyone else. In fact, it could mean Mama shows up behind the school with a huge pot of soup. A low income community means that we are all cutting firewood and filling the freezer in October.



This is good. This is the rich way of life, even though it doesn't show up in the numbers. Because, guess what else the country has to offer? Camping and beach parties with cheap soda, beer and hot dogs. We have the stars without city lights and fresh air. We have friendly faces that we recognize from childhood on up. We have football games under the big lights and drives into the woods. We know about invention and winging it. We know how to raise chickens, grind elk sausage, make bread, sew, unclog drains, fix sewer hookups, and cut down trees. We know how to clip coupons and count change. We look each other in the eye and shake on things. So that's the red neck way to tell the income status of your geographical location. If you are invited in for a keystone light or box wine, and if your stereo is in your pick up instead of an entertainment center, then it's pretty likely you live in a small town. And if small town means small income, I'm not scared! Bring on the spring and we'll work when we can and bbq some steelhead!

Good Lovin'

In a perfect world there would be no war, no famine, no divorce, no hate crimes, and no flat tires. My clean shirt would stay clean....all day. Relationships would be easy and my job would include a paycheck. Because sanity ain't cheap! And that's what I do. I'm the sanity super hero. I could eat Dr. Phil for breakfast!

My little clan is always on the verge of bodily, emotional, or mental disaster. And to keep that in check I must juggle my bag of tricks around and around and around. I must calmly remove the scissors from the 2 yr old, with the sucker in her mouth, that is running through the house drooling. I must remind the crying 6 year old that we can fix her necklace and it is NOT the end of the world. I have to stay patient while the 8 yr old interrupts me, yet again, during math class to tell me she doesn't understand what we have been working on for 15 minutes, even though I've explained it EVERY way I can think of. And, all of this while mantaining a vibrant relationship with the man of my dreams....my irreplacable husband.

Why is it so hard sometimes? It all seems so easy at 20, when all of the "hard" stuff is just a theory that some elderly lady is telling you will happen one day. "Oh, yeah. No, problem. I'm sure it will be hard, but we can do it."

And we CAN do it. And it will work. But, is it hard? Yes, because, when all is said and done...there is a lot more work than play when you are a "real" adult. Bills don't stop coming in the mail. Kids don't sleep through the night for the first......10 years. And date night is a MUST even when we both feel like sitting on the couch and watching Little Mermaid for the fourteenth time.

I am sick of the Mars and Venus style books about men and women. All of them focus on how different the sexes are. The similarities are overlooked a lot. We ALL want attention and interest given when we are explaining how our day went, wether it's about bridge embutments or the 5 yr old losing her first tooth. We all want to be heard and found interesting. It's universal. It's simple. It's almost impossible some days! We all want to be left alone and we all want to NOT be left alone. We all want to be attractive and we all want to find someone attractive. We all want to have a little money to spend on stuff and not to have to explain why. (Grocery money DOES NOT count!) We all want to have friends to laugh with. We all want to be that friend to each other. We don't want a cerfew. We don't want to feel like we are living at home with Mom and Dad. We are free humans. But it's very tempting to try and exercise some strange sort of control over our mate because EVERYTHING they do effects us.

It's hard to share everything. Ask my 2 yr old. It's engrained in us to want it to ourselves! It's not natural to give...it's supernatural. And that's what LOVE is all about. When we are in the courting stage it's pretty easy. Because we show off the best of the best. But after a time, we all get selfish. That's the stuff to work on. That's the stuff that makes or breaks us. And I want to make it! I want to be best friends and I want to treat my Husband like he's the coolest dude on earth, because he IS. We chose each other out of all the rest. That's amazing. Somewhere along the way our paths brought us to the same little canyon town in Riggins, Idaho and we met and made beautiful children!

So as the heat rises in my chest because I made dinner and it's getting cold and I'm waiting, wondering what's taking him so long to get home. And as I'm imagining that he's probably off b.s.ing with someone about horn hunting and I am wanting a break from the last 13 hrs of being super-mommy-doctor-psychologist...I remind myself again that the only change I can make in this situation is my attutude. And when he gets back and I find out he had to work an extra hour and then stopped to pick up a movie and ice cream for the kids after paying a bill.....I can tuck my tail and sheepishly say..."Hi, honey! Would you like me to warm up your plate?"

This all seems so personal, but it's really not. We ALL go through it. That is why Oprah even has a job! It is the reason that The Eagles had so many #1 hits. It is the cause of Danielle Steele selling millions of mushy steamy novels to housewives. It is why beer sales soar at the end of long work weeks. It is the reason Shakespear killed off so many people in his stories they made us read in highschool. Love saves us and drives us insane!

If we could remember the simple rules that we used at the beginning of the relationship we'd be just fine:

Maintain eye contact and genuine interest in what your partner is saying.

Hold hands all the time.

Write each other love notes.

Make each other tapes....(okay, it's cd's now)...with all the good love songs.

Go on drives.

Snuggle all night long.

Laugh at the little things that go wrong.

Don't get mad.

Tell each other that you love each other....and mean it.

Hold your farts.

Laugh if you forget to hold them!

Watch movies that your partner likes even if they are not your favorite.

Share the remote.

Don't interrupt.

Act like you havn't heard EVERY single story that they have to tell.

Go everywhere together.

Brag about how cool they are.

It's all these little things that we did at the beginning of our lives together that bonded us and made us the best of friends. I overlooked any imperfections. That's how I want my husband to look at me. Remember how it really is beneath all the day to day hum drum. It's magical!

Travis and I were at a fair in a small town in Northern Idaho, in our 20's, when we'd only been together a year or so. We met this old, smiley little couple that were celebrating their 60 year anniversary. We loved them right away. The live music was so loud and they were just tapping their feet and truly enjoying everything and everybody. We asked them, "So what is the secret to staying together, happily married for 60 years?" The old man said, "Laughter. Just laugh about it all and don't get mad." And his wife added, "And, you've gotta talk about things. Let each other know how you feel."

I kept that in my heart that night. Travis and I talked about them a lot after that. I want to be that way. Happy and open and truthful. I want to be 85 and enjoying a lifetime of being together and raising our children and seeing them grow and listening to live music with my hearing aid turned on high. I want to see a legacy of love grow from two kids that really didn't know how hard it would be...or how worth it. And man is it worth it!

Rules, Regulations, and Utter Chaos

It's not anybody's fault, so don't apologize. Just because I have this crazy stressed out eye twitch going on, like the uni bomber, and my lower lip is trembling like a school girl. No, please, don't feel at fault. It was my choice to try and do it ALL today. And yes, I know, RV parks have rules. Living in a 5th wheel has its challenges, I must say.`

I had left the camper with 3 kids, 1 dog, 1 leash, 4 coats, 2 pairs of gloves, a laptop, 2 elementary workbooks, 10 crayons, 2 pencils, a bag of laundry, a pocket of quarters, a bag of soap, the keys to the door, a blanket for the littlest one, a stroller to shove it all on-in-under-around, 1 bike pump, and 2 scooters....whew!



















I had a well thought out plan. It was executed in tactical precision. I started the laundry first, taking the baby out of the stroller so she could help put in the quarters and soap, while the big girls circled us like sharks on their scooters. After this we headed out of the RV park to the "trail", with little highway lines painted on it so you know which side to walk on, so we could let the dog do his business and not worry about the little poo bag that city people use...(please, God, never lead me too far from grass and trees!). Then we headed back with perfect timing, to switch the wash loads.

It was upon our return to the office/laundromat that the catastrophe unravelled itself. Tenesee escaped from me after "helping" me push the start button on the dryer. Charlee Beth was around the building and I heard her start crying and yelling. I ran around the corner in time to see her run around the other corner calling my name in blood curdling shrieks that I yearned to mute with a magic remote. I turned on my heel and sped back the other way, pulling the wee one behind me by her arm. I ran into Hannah around the corner who ran away from me to go help her crying sister. I let out a string of words that were not calm and peaceful, but thankfully still under my breath at this point.

The huge full sized windows, running the length of the RV park office, were framing us perfectly this whole time. Boy, what a show.

I scooped up the baby and cornered the building to find Charlee piggy back on Hannah. The drama?...a scraped finger from a scooter crash. Wow. So we all hugged and I reprimanded and the sympathies went out to the injured sister as we made our way to the office, so I could get wifi reception and finally check my email, while the clothes dried.

We piled through the door and I tried to look less stressed than I felt and totally in control of my out of control situation. A stout lady with huge glasses and a grimace on her face stood watch at the front desk. She had one of those short hair cuts with an 8 inch long piece of hair hanging down in the back. I hadn't seen one of those since 1988. She waited until I got all of my belongings lugged through the door and was almost into the sitting room and then she let out a whiney, "OHhhhh....are you going to leave your dog out there?"
Oh, man! My dog! Oops.



I replied something about how I had a leash for him but had forgotten to put it back on and she said something about how he could cause harm to the other residents here and couldn't be left unattended even if he was on a leash. (Yes, he may just lick them to death!) Then I said something about how it figured and she said something about how she was sorry but it was just the rules and nothing personal.

She WAS sorry and so was I. I know the rules. I just wanted it all to work out differently than that. I wanted it to be easy. And, I think we were both sorry for two completely different reasons.

So, I turned around with all the kids, the smilingly dangerous dog, wheels of all shapes and sizes, the blanket and the coats with the children loudly asking questions that I wished they would WAIT to ask. We walked the quarter mile back to the camper to tie the dog up. Back to the far end of the park where I get no wifi service even though it's advertised on the website, flyer, and sign....which is the WHOLE reason I had to barge into their quiet little office in the first place!

But I retreated calmly and matter-of-factly. No cussing the lady with the hair tail, or the runaway baby, or the scraped finger, or the dog with the silly ears...because it's nobody's fault, really.

And what else do we have to do today, besides have a good lesson in patience, in learning to slow down, and loving our fellowman regardless of false advertisement and unsympathetic tones.

So we finally made it back to the office with no dog and a lighter load. I entered boldly even though I knew, that before it was all said and done, I'd be ticking them off once again. And the big kids did their math, language, and handwriting. Tenesee stole the door muffler and played "snake" with it and only cried once and screamed twice. And I?...well, I checked my email and my Facebook and made all the contacts I needed to make...and got a good idea for an article.

So the mantra is: Let my soul be steeled against frowns and open to smiles, and may my smile be the biggest one of all.

Oh, excuse me, there's a knock on the door. It's just the manager here to tell me that my dog is off the leash again....oh well. Better put on that smile!

I AM a Beautiful Woman!

I have a fat roll that has a stubborn personality. It's like a 4th child....
I am a beautiful woman.
I can't concentrate on something longer than 30 seconds because of the kid chaos in my life....
I am a beautiful woman.
I have boobs that look NOTHING like they did when I was 17....
I am a beautiful woman.
I have hair that must stay in a bun most times so that it doesn't end up in the dinner.....
I am a beautiful woman.
I wear sweats until 10 am sometimes, just so all the chores can get done...
I am a beautiful woman.
I have tired eyes in the morning after staying up all night with the sick baby...
I am a beautiful woman.
I can't hear what adults are saying to me because my children are running, yelling, and crazy....
I am a beautiful woman.
I don't take the time to shave when we are on the road for a week at a time....
I am a beautiful woman.
I have garlic breath after making a load of pesto with basil that I MUST use up...
I am a beautiful woman.
My heels are cracked from wearing flip flops almost year round.....
I am a beautiful woman.
My fingernails are chewed down and I have a writing callous...
I am a beautiful woman.
I yell to the wind outside the camper, when all seems too much for me...
I am a beautiful woman.
My fingers have splits from 3 loads of dishes plus, daily...
I am a beautiful woman.
I look nothing like the women on People magazine...
I am a beautiful woman.
I don't wear make-up or product in my hair...
I am a beautiful woman.
I get a crazy look in my eye just trying to get from my truck to the store with 3 kids (sometimes)...
I am a beautiful woman.
I can grow rosemary and sage and use them in food and herbal remedies...
I am a beautiful woman.
I have strong fingers that play the guitar and a voice to sing my babies to sleep...
I am a beautiful woman.
I find pleasure in the smiles and laughter of my darling children...
I am a beautiful woman.
I pack on more than the accepted 25 lbs when I carry the love babies we make...
I am a beautiful woman.
I don't exercise everyday, like I should...
I am a beautiful woman.
I talk too much when I should just be listening...
I am a beautiful woman.
I get zits, even though I'm 34...
I am a beautiful woman.
I have stretch marks..
I am a beautiful woman.
I have hair on my face, damn it!...
I am a beautiful woman.
I eat too much cheese and pasta and lil' smokeys...sometimes...
I am a beautiful woman.
I can make a mean meal out of almost nothing...
I am a beautiful woman.
I like to watch Anne of Green Gables and cry...
I am a beautiful woman.
I like to read books about how we are divine creatures, full of endless potential...
I am a beautiful woman.
I sweat when I clean my house...
I am a beautiful woman.
My feet are almost size 9...
I am a beautiful woman.
I gave birth at home; scared, brave, in pain, and in ecstacy with my loving family all around me...
I am a beautiful woman.
I don't feel like a beautiful woman, most days...
I am a beautiful woman.
It is eminently easy for me to see the beauty in my girlfriends who are mothers, kidless, wives, single, thick, thin, stylish, natural, career ladies, stay at home gardeners, creative minds, simple comedians, with endless wonder....... and they remind me that.....
I am a beautiful woman.

Belief

I don't believe in the Devil.

I don't believe in "bad" kids.

I don't believe there is only one way to the top of the mountain.

I don't believe all gossip is bad.

I don't believe that I have to have meat to survive.

I don't believe in lying.

I don't believe that you have to be serious when you grow up.

I don't believe that doctors know much about HEALTH.

I don't believe in eating leftovers after day....5.

I don't believe in mini vans.

I don't believe in racism.

I don't believe that it is ever okay for one race of people to annihilate another.

I don't believe God has one name when there are so many languages in the world.

I don't believe in hating people because they don't agree with me.

I don't believe in spandex.

I believe that I am part of a beautiful, lovely, happy, healthy earth.

I believe in telling the truth.

I believe in being nice.

I believe that fruit and vegetables are the best foods for me.

I believe that campfires make everything better.

I believe that we all need close friends to tell things to and to listen to.

I believe that Narnia is real.

I believe that NO ONE is better than anyone else.

I believe that just because I make fun of you doesn't mean I don't like you!

I believe in cream for my coffee.

I believe that sun shine on my skin with NO sunscreen is good for me.

I believe in having babies at home with all of my people around me.

I believe in honey whole wheat pancakes with lots of butter and real maple syrup.

I believe that music holds all things together.

I believe in herbal remedies.

I believe that if you focus on the negative....it will get worse.

I believe in voicing my feelings about the negative so that I won't focus on it quietly.

I believe that I'd better listen if someone has something to say.

I believe in the seasons.

I believe in the power of good thoughts.

I believe in chocolate.

I believe in holding my babies.

I believe that if I truly love and know my babies, then I can't spoil them too much.

I believe in drinking water.

I believe that laughing until you pee a little, keeps you very healthy.

I believe that religion causes wars and hate.

I believe that Jesus was NOT religious.

I believe that not all good things are contained in one book.

I believe that the Spirit is alive and moving and isn't only revealed to a certain race.

I believe in sharing.

I believe that time is our friend.

Daycation

Had a date. Yeah, a hot one! Seriously, doesn't take much. Just being alone in the truck on the way to spend too much money and enjoying a loud stereo and no questions from the back seat and feeling like teenagers again. Of course, by the end of the "date" all we talked about was the kids and raced back to see their sweet little faces. But, a date sure makes those lil' faces all the sweeter!

We went shopping for Christmas....all in ONE day! We had like, strategic military planning going into this thing. That's why we got home by 3pm with it all done...ready to wrap! I love that feeling. We also got to drink coffee all morning and not worry about making a meal for anyone. We went out to eat around noon and when the kid in the next booth started whining and crying....guess what? Not our problem. It really wasn't even annoying to listen to, because it wasn't ours! Ha. Enjoy your lunch buddy, and pick up that mess before you leave!!

This is the first year that we had to buy our presents for each other, in front of each other. We tried to sneak around for a bit, but that didn't last long. Pretty soon we're going, "Oh, look at this! Do you want this one or that one? Try it on!" It was fun. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought, breaking that tradition. We'll have so much fun acting surprised!

I like to go on dates. I think they should be mandatory. I like to drink a beer at the chowder house at 2pm in the DAY and listen to Trav's stories without interruption. I like the way we act like kids when our kid's aren't around. The role model pressure is off. I think I ran out in front of a car in the parking lot! There is a beautiful thing about remembering who you are without being a parent, for a couple hours.

We met this couple in the chowder house that were around our age. They were good fun. They had no kids and had all their shopping done. They were on their 2nd beer and getting ready to get home and get ready for a Christmas party. They had no idea what that time together really meant because it had never been any other way for them. But we knew. We enjoyed that ale like it was the only one on earth. But, guess what we talked about almost the whole time.....the kids. Yep. They are our life. They are us and we are them and we all ran into each others arms by the time it was all over with, like we hadn't seen each other in years! Goofy Hollons, anyways. We housed up and told stories of our day and listened to rock n roll and wrapped presents and ate tortillas and cheese and candy canes.

Yay for Saturdays. Yay for dates and yay for family time. Yay for cousins that LOVE and play with our kids. Yay for the Christmas presents all ready for Saturday's madness. We are so blessed to be healthy and celebrating life together. It is the ultimate gift.

Time, My Friend

It's finally happening. I am getting old. I can't believe it.

The 16 year old girls were standing there talking about NOTHING and doing so with dramatic tones. I started to lose concentration and think about dinner, the dishes, Christmas presents, the weather...adult things. The story was about some guy in her health class that is suicidal. That should keep my interest, but alas, no. I didn't even perk up when she told me about the outfit she bought....oh yeah, I never really cared about that stuff. Shoes and hats, yes. Outfits, no. I felt the age gap and don't get me wrong, I really didn't mind. I realized finally why I hear so many people say that they wouldn't go back for a million dollars.

At 16 you are so resolute and so ignorant. I remember. You do a report on something and then you "know" all about it. Yeah, right. There are life experiences that go so much further than books ever will. And, it's nothing you would wish on a 16 yr old. Truthfully, they will learn it in time and no need to be in a hurry. But to identify with stories about boyfriends and classes and outfits....ahhh, it's leaving me. I would rather hear about my 6 yr old's dream. I would rather listen to my 2 yr old sing that funny song about the dog again. Kids don't recite another adult's idea back to you. They have their own way of thinking and their own way of expressing it and it's always new and exciting.


I have doubled my age since I was 17. That is very weird. I am around the same age that my Mom was when she had her 4th child. My oldest daughter is the same age that Trav's little brother was when she was born. He's 16 now. That's how old Travis was when I met him. When I started dating Travis, that same little brother was 2! Travis and I will be together LONGER than we've been apart in 4 more years! I will be 38 then and my little fat baby will be 6. Time is the strangest phenomenon ever. I don't understand it. It is graceful, kind, mean, and unforgiving. It just is.

I don't want to get old and saggy and humped over and lose hair where it should be and get it where it shouldn't. I don't want big ears and a really big nose. I don't want to be close to death. I don't want to cut and perm my hair and wear stockings and nurses shoes.

I think I will let it grow long and gray like a witch and wear moccasins and hippie dresses. I will listen to loud music and drive a datsun pickup and have lots of books and smoke a long professor pipe. I will have sunshine all the time, if we have to move our tipi to get it. I will sit with my old man by the river and jump in even at risk of a heart attack. I will pat my dog on the head and feed him deer steak and let him sleep at the foot of our bed. I will have lots of grand kids that are too loud and I will feed them honey toast and bananas. I will tell them stories of when me and Gramps were young. I will tell them all of the funny things that their mothers used to do when they were little. We will stay up late by the fire and we will travel around in a funny little motor home. I will stop and pick fruit at every tree I see and will pull over for every garage sale...just to "look". I will wait for my husband while he reminisces with old friends at the hardware store and I will look at the paper with him over coffee.

I guess it won't be so bad. I guess, if I live every day RIGHT NOW, like I won't ever get it back then I will have no regrets and I will leave no stone unturned and no fun un-done. I will leave a legacy behind me. That's what parents do. That is our creation; our masterpiece. And look at all those beautiful colors!