YOU KNOW YOU'RE A MOTHER IF......

YOU KNOW YOU'RE A MOTHER IF:

~You are in your sweats at noon, but the baby is dressed.

~You always have food in your purse and it's not for you.

~You have white milk puke on your shoulder and are immune to the smell.

~Your car has more crackers and juice boxes in it, than cd's.

~The song stuck in your head is from a Disney movie, not a juke box.

~Ten minutes of alone time is like an hour.

~You go visit people you have nothing in common with, JUST because they have kids.

~You have quickies in the bathroom, and not because it's kinky.

~You make dinner when you're not even hungry.

~Your lunch is crusts of pbj and leftover bites of apples.

~You consider grocery shopping an outing.

~You wake up at 5am just to read a book.

~A good workout is getting your kids dressed to go out and play in the snow.

~You don't sleep in past 7am even if you want to.

~You think of yogurt as a meal.

~You can kiss a drooly mouth without even flinching.

~You think about poopoo more than you ever have in your life.

~You hold your pee for an hour just so the baby will fall asleep.

~You use an extension cord for your baby monitor just so you can stay up with the adults.


~You have cat like reflexes without meaning to.

~Getting ready to leave the house takes you an hour....at least.


~You can do ANYTHING with one arm.

~You wear the necklace that lil' sweetheart made you, JUST to make her smile.

~Christmas is more expensive than the mortgage.

~Lightsockets become a hazardous part of the house.

~Beer for breakfast is medicinal...not just fun.

~People look at you with the "I-feel-sorry-for-you" look when you unload 3 kids out of the car.

~After Halloween you understand a drug addict completely!

~You can change a diaper, snap up your nursing bra, and unbuckle a car seat in under a minute.

~A "nooner" means a nap.

~Instead of kissing your hubby when he comes in the door, you hand him a baby.

~Cleaning the house is like a military drill.

~A clean house isn't what it used to be.

~All you want for your birthday is paper plates and disposable utensils.

~Foreplay is shutting the alarm clock off.

~You spell every 5th word you say.


~Your walls are decorated with sticky handprints and markers.


~You have mad referee skills.


~You cut your husbands pancakes into small bites.


~You will hand a lighted flare the screaming baby in the carseat, just to have 2 seconds of quiet.


~You boss other people's kids around.


~"No" is your second language.


~You take more pictures than you ever have in your life....of one outing.


~You wonder what being "bored" would look like.


~You feel more frustration and love at the same time than ever before.


~You actually get yelled at for trying to help someone.

~Clean shirts last about 5 minutes.


~You can't get anything done, even though you are TRYING!


~You clean up the restaurant floor and wipe the waiter's face before leaving!