A Day Off

Ever since I had my first baby, a beautiful blonde tiny girl with a halo on her head and a dimple in her chin, I didn't want to let go of her. She was so dang hard to get into this world that I got a little protective over her. I mean, after having two mutt dogs that sleep outside rain or shine and that drive around in the back of the truck at 65 mph, a baby is SO fragile and dependent.

I know I was born to be a Mother...amongst other things. I took to it with a surge of energy and passion, but that didn't mean I knew what I was doing. I had a lot of theories that broke real quick. Babies do not want to ride in a back pack down a trail for hours on end just because you love nature. Instead, she just might have to poop when you put her in there and then, because you can't speak baby, ends up crying the whole time you figured she would gaze up at the trees and blue sky in awe. Such a rude awakening. .....not that it ever happened to me!

So we didn't leave our cherubs even though we were told over and over again that it was good for all of us. We just like to be together. And just like you don't need someone to tell you when you're hungry, you don't need someone to tell you when you need a break. You just know. And after 9 yrs on the job I was ready. Last week I had a DAY OFF!

I needed to get out of the house without kids and go do something with adults and enjoy uninterrupted conversation. I cried and begged and pleaded and bargained and blackmailed my way to the top of the list for "next in need of vacation to avoid nervous breakdown".

So on a Sunday afternoon, I called my Mother and told her I would be headed to McCall to visit her the following morning after coffee. I came back in the house and told my husband the plan and he said, after 5 minutes....

"Why don't you go up tonight?"

"Really?! Just leave? Just like that? I need to make some dinner for you guys--"

"I'll make the dinner."

Oh, my! The man of my dreams....and I was actually married to him! That made it easy. It took me all of 2 seconds to pack. No diaper bags, no extra water bottles, no 50 changes of clothes in case the baby pees her pants or the big girls roll down the dirt hill....just one bag....ONE! After deciding to make my husband a list of JUST how to do everything while I was gone and just how NOT to do things, and then changing my mind and deciding that even if they ate cereal and watched Scooby Doo for two days......they would survive, I climbed in the pick up and waved goodbye.

I rolled the windows down and let the cool wind blow all around the cab of the truck. I turned up the stereo too loud because I could. And I tried not to worry.

"Oh, yeah, I have to mail that stuff to the insurance company....the septic needs to be emptied....I hope he doesn't forget to check the mouse trap...."

Shut-up, Shoshannah! Who cares. It's less than two days. It will be okay.

So, needless to say it took a couple hours before I could calm down and relax. Mom and I went out to the McCall Brewing company and snuggled into a corner table with an appetizer and a glass of zin. It had been too long between times like these. To push that stress and guilt from my "mother mind" felt so good, once I got the hang of it. My job doesn't allow for stray thoughts very often with a 2 yr old always ready to walk off the edge or step in the water or try to use the kitchen knife or saying, "I gotta poo poo!" So to have that time at my disposal, to think what I wanted to think, and even more importantly say what I wanted to say without the worry that it would need explaining to my 9 yr old and spelling all of the bad words and making kids leave the table so they wouldn't learn how to gossip....aaahhh, sweet relief!

I layed down that night and thought to myself...

"I have not had one stressed out reprimand come out of my mouth in like 8 hrs. I am a fun person...not just a "no no" fountain. I am SO going to enjoy this!!"

And I did. We watched a movie. I helped Mama put up a new display of her beautiful paintings in the Gallery 55. We went shopping for groceries and laughed in the aisles like little kids. We made a spring green salad with smoked salmon and bought fresh salsa and chips at Chipalas. We celebrated my brother's 24th birthday and stayed up WAY to late. Little brother and I bonded with shuffle board and PBR. We sang at the top of our lungs to Queen and CCR and laughed at stupid jokes and old memories. We snuck around the house the way we used to 20 yrs ago when we were sneaking chocolate chips late at night. It was like being 20 again.

When it was time to get in the truck and make my journey back up the road toward Riggins I was very satisfied....and a bit hungover. I stopped and got an Americano with cream at the drive through espresso shop and relished my folk music and the beautiful spring day. That 2 days was like 2 wks.

I pulled into the driveway and you should've seen my greeting! Oh, man, I was royalty!! Daddy and the girls flung the door open and greeted me with gusto. I MISSED them. I love being needed and loved on and I love long stories with stutter words. I love my loud laughing girls in their beds in the morning and eventually making their way to our room with giggles. I love making dinners and cleaning up and I love turning on music and watching them dance. I love family get togethers where we all laugh and tease each other and where we play games and comment on the weather and take turns holding the fussy baby. I love to get away and to realize who Shoshannah is by herself. I love to dig down deep and find new enthusiasm for ways to express myself. And I love who I am to them....the Mommy, the safe place, the kiss for owies, the kitchen boss and the story teller.

It is like one of my Mama's paintings, the ones with all the colors. You see the picture....you think you know what it is. Then as you look closer you see each brush stroke and all of the colors within the colors and you realize that it takes alot to make up the vision. You can feel what it is through all of those movements and textures and it makes you want to laugh and cry.

We are all made up of each other and of ourselves. We are all alike and different and needy and independent and fragile. We are strong and full of life and we are weak and need built up to face the storms. We are a people that need to be reminded what it was like when we were free and young so that we can appreciate being servants and aging into a beauty we never knew was going to be as awesome as it is....and OH IT IS!

Oh, and P.S. When I got back the 2 yr old's finger and toes were painted! Yay, for a sweet wonderful Daddy that does spelling tests and makes good meals and reads while Mommy is away!!