Belief

I don't believe in the Devil.

I don't believe in "bad" kids.

I don't believe there is only one way to the top of the mountain.

I don't believe all gossip is bad.

I don't believe that I have to have meat to survive.

I don't believe in lying.

I don't believe that you have to be serious when you grow up.

I don't believe that doctors know much about HEALTH.

I don't believe in eating leftovers after day....5.

I don't believe in mini vans.

I don't believe in racism.

I don't believe that it is ever okay for one race of people to annihilate another.

I don't believe God has one name when there are so many languages in the world.

I don't believe in hating people because they don't agree with me.

I don't believe in spandex.

I believe that I am part of a beautiful, lovely, happy, healthy earth.

I believe in telling the truth.

I believe in being nice.

I believe that fruit and vegetables are the best foods for me.

I believe that campfires make everything better.

I believe that we all need close friends to tell things to and to listen to.

I believe that Narnia is real.

I believe that NO ONE is better than anyone else.

I believe that just because I make fun of you doesn't mean I don't like you!

I believe in cream for my coffee.

I believe that sun shine on my skin with NO sunscreen is good for me.

I believe in having babies at home with all of my people around me.

I believe in honey whole wheat pancakes with lots of butter and real maple syrup.

I believe that music holds all things together.

I believe in herbal remedies.

I believe that if you focus on the negative....it will get worse.

I believe in voicing my feelings about the negative so that I won't focus on it quietly.

I believe that I'd better listen if someone has something to say.

I believe in the seasons.

I believe in the power of good thoughts.

I believe in chocolate.

I believe in holding my babies.

I believe that if I truly love and know my babies, then I can't spoil them too much.

I believe in drinking water.

I believe that laughing until you pee a little, keeps you very healthy.

I believe that religion causes wars and hate.

I believe that Jesus was NOT religious.

I believe that not all good things are contained in one book.

I believe that the Spirit is alive and moving and isn't only revealed to a certain race.

I believe in sharing.

I believe that time is our friend.

Daycation

Had a date. Yeah, a hot one! Seriously, doesn't take much. Just being alone in the truck on the way to spend too much money and enjoying a loud stereo and no questions from the back seat and feeling like teenagers again. Of course, by the end of the "date" all we talked about was the kids and raced back to see their sweet little faces. But, a date sure makes those lil' faces all the sweeter!

We went shopping for Christmas....all in ONE day! We had like, strategic military planning going into this thing. That's why we got home by 3pm with it all done...ready to wrap! I love that feeling. We also got to drink coffee all morning and not worry about making a meal for anyone. We went out to eat around noon and when the kid in the next booth started whining and crying....guess what? Not our problem. It really wasn't even annoying to listen to, because it wasn't ours! Ha. Enjoy your lunch buddy, and pick up that mess before you leave!!

This is the first year that we had to buy our presents for each other, in front of each other. We tried to sneak around for a bit, but that didn't last long. Pretty soon we're going, "Oh, look at this! Do you want this one or that one? Try it on!" It was fun. It wasn't nearly as bad as I thought, breaking that tradition. We'll have so much fun acting surprised!

I like to go on dates. I think they should be mandatory. I like to drink a beer at the chowder house at 2pm in the DAY and listen to Trav's stories without interruption. I like the way we act like kids when our kid's aren't around. The role model pressure is off. I think I ran out in front of a car in the parking lot! There is a beautiful thing about remembering who you are without being a parent, for a couple hours.

We met this couple in the chowder house that were around our age. They were good fun. They had no kids and had all their shopping done. They were on their 2nd beer and getting ready to get home and get ready for a Christmas party. They had no idea what that time together really meant because it had never been any other way for them. But we knew. We enjoyed that ale like it was the only one on earth. But, guess what we talked about almost the whole time.....the kids. Yep. They are our life. They are us and we are them and we all ran into each others arms by the time it was all over with, like we hadn't seen each other in years! Goofy Hollons, anyways. We housed up and told stories of our day and listened to rock n roll and wrapped presents and ate tortillas and cheese and candy canes.

Yay for Saturdays. Yay for dates and yay for family time. Yay for cousins that LOVE and play with our kids. Yay for the Christmas presents all ready for Saturday's madness. We are so blessed to be healthy and celebrating life together. It is the ultimate gift.

Time, My Friend

It's finally happening. I am getting old. I can't believe it.

The 16 year old girls were standing there talking about NOTHING and doing so with dramatic tones. I started to lose concentration and think about dinner, the dishes, Christmas presents, the weather...adult things. The story was about some guy in her health class that is suicidal. That should keep my interest, but alas, no. I didn't even perk up when she told me about the outfit she bought....oh yeah, I never really cared about that stuff. Shoes and hats, yes. Outfits, no. I felt the age gap and don't get me wrong, I really didn't mind. I realized finally why I hear so many people say that they wouldn't go back for a million dollars.

At 16 you are so resolute and so ignorant. I remember. You do a report on something and then you "know" all about it. Yeah, right. There are life experiences that go so much further than books ever will. And, it's nothing you would wish on a 16 yr old. Truthfully, they will learn it in time and no need to be in a hurry. But to identify with stories about boyfriends and classes and outfits....ahhh, it's leaving me. I would rather hear about my 6 yr old's dream. I would rather listen to my 2 yr old sing that funny song about the dog again. Kids don't recite another adult's idea back to you. They have their own way of thinking and their own way of expressing it and it's always new and exciting.


I have doubled my age since I was 17. That is very weird. I am around the same age that my Mom was when she had her 4th child. My oldest daughter is the same age that Trav's little brother was when she was born. He's 16 now. That's how old Travis was when I met him. When I started dating Travis, that same little brother was 2! Travis and I will be together LONGER than we've been apart in 4 more years! I will be 38 then and my little fat baby will be 6. Time is the strangest phenomenon ever. I don't understand it. It is graceful, kind, mean, and unforgiving. It just is.

I don't want to get old and saggy and humped over and lose hair where it should be and get it where it shouldn't. I don't want big ears and a really big nose. I don't want to be close to death. I don't want to cut and perm my hair and wear stockings and nurses shoes.

I think I will let it grow long and gray like a witch and wear moccasins and hippie dresses. I will listen to loud music and drive a datsun pickup and have lots of books and smoke a long professor pipe. I will have sunshine all the time, if we have to move our tipi to get it. I will sit with my old man by the river and jump in even at risk of a heart attack. I will pat my dog on the head and feed him deer steak and let him sleep at the foot of our bed. I will have lots of grand kids that are too loud and I will feed them honey toast and bananas. I will tell them stories of when me and Gramps were young. I will tell them all of the funny things that their mothers used to do when they were little. We will stay up late by the fire and we will travel around in a funny little motor home. I will stop and pick fruit at every tree I see and will pull over for every garage sale...just to "look". I will wait for my husband while he reminisces with old friends at the hardware store and I will look at the paper with him over coffee.

I guess it won't be so bad. I guess, if I live every day RIGHT NOW, like I won't ever get it back then I will have no regrets and I will leave no stone unturned and no fun un-done. I will leave a legacy behind me. That's what parents do. That is our creation; our masterpiece. And look at all those beautiful colors!

Happy is Healthy

A messy house shows that I am doing a great job homeschooling. A clean house shows that school is out and I'm about to make dinner. Another mess in the kitchen shows that dinner is on it's way and it took a lot of pans to get there. A clean house after dinner shows that I didn't go out by the campfire when I wanted to. A dirty house after dinner shows that I let it go, had a great time on a "date" by the fire with Daddy, and I will be getting up early with the smell of dinner dishes in my nose. But, sometimes it's the better choice for my sanity, depending on the type of day it's been.

In the bible it says that the eyes of man, and fire, are two things that are never satisfied. ( I'm paraphrasing here.) I would add to that dirty dishes, floors, bathrooms, and clothes. Messes are endless. Sometimes I do a counting game. How many loads of dishes have I done in my life? I'm 34 so thats....hmm....let's see. It's not a very comforting game. So then I play a new game called, "Take It ONE Day at a Time". That makes me feel much better about the whole thing.


It's all about balance...once again. Aaaah, the mantra of my life, that just won't leave. I am an extreme person so the moderation thing doesn't always come naturally for me. But there in lies the peace. If you are a clean nazi, then your little soldiers don't see much of your nice side. And if you are never picking up a mess, then chances are, neither will anyone else. The gray area is my friend. I clean when no one is awake. I clean on school lunch break. I clean before, during and after dinner and guess what.....I found out that 6 and 8 year olds are great on dish duty, floors, laundry folding, and cupboard organization.

Health is the same way. For as long as I have been into herbs and good food, I have prayed for a balance. Food can be like a religion. I have been on all sides of this fence and I can tell you that just because you eat "perfectly" doesn't mean you are the healthiest, most well rounded person you can be. There is more to health than food. But it DOES matter. When I make a celebration out of my meals and when we sit down as a family and enjoy garden fresh food we all feel GREAT. It does make a difference in my health when I quit making my mouth a garbage disposal!

I was on a cleansing-fasting-veggie spree, a couple years back, and was busily scribbling a list for the store. Out loud I said, "bananas, oranges, lettuce, tomatoes, almonds, sprouts, avocados...." Hannah, who was 5 at the time, said, "Mom....put bacon and sausage on that list. I want some pig in this house!" And you know what, after I got up off of the floor in my fit of hysterical laughter, I put pig on the list. Yes, I've read all of the BAD things about pigs and yes I know how gross slaughter houses are, but when it's all said and done.....nothing beats the smell of bacon on Sunday morning!

Happy thoughts are just as cleansing as a juice fast. Thinking is the one thing we do ALL of the time. We never DON'T think. So it must be one of the most important things to keep on the positive. What we think and say becomes who we are. But, I can find humour in many situations, and sometimes it IS at the expense of my fellow man. So is that positive or negative thinking? Where is the balance? I suppose it comes back to what Mama always says, "If what you say will hurt someone....say it really quietly." WAIT! That's not what Mama said! But the human race is just plain FUNNY sometimes. And things are A LOT funny when I exaggerate them and stretch them into a sarcastic web of silly. It makes life more like a movie and then it becomes distant enough for me to laugh about. That must be positive thinking because the spirit of that thought is well meant. To laugh and feel good among all the stresses of life, is good medicine.

The opposite of this good natured fun is the Jr. High locker room. It is the most vicious place on the planet. You are either making fun of someone or being made fun of. I have been on both ends. It never really felt good. It's pretty simple: we are all the same and what hurts us usually hurts other people. We want to be understood, liked and laughed WITH...not AT. It is all so precarious. One minute you think yours doesn't stink and the next...you stepped in it. We all do dumb things. She's not better than me, and I'm no better than her. I'm simply jealous because her shoes are cuter than mine!

There are a handful of positives that make up a healthy human being. Good food (that my great Grammy would recognize), good sleep (including naps), fresh water (this means more than morning coffee and evening beer), walking and running and playing in the fresh air and sunshine, and not letting the stress of every single day weigh you down with it's unreality. Because, it always works out in the end. No matter what! I really tend to think about this more at the beginning of the year. We are a completely new person every 11 months or so. Science "says" that our cells are all new and regenerated in that time. So what we eat, think, and do make up our "new" body.

If we listen our bodies tell us just what they need. My body needs veggie sandwiches on sprouted bread, fresh fruit and spring water. My mouth needs cheese, wine, chocolate, (and sometimes pig). My legs need a walk in the mountains. My soul needs a campfire and laughter and talks with my Travis. My arms need babies to hold. My nose needs to smell cookies in the oven...once in awhile. My eyes need a beautiful sunset and lots of color. My ears need music and the sound of my people on the phone. My mind needs books and art and thoughts on God and the mysteries of the world. My heart needs to feel love and give love and give some more. My soul needs the silent times to be filled again so I have some more to give....just when I think it's all used up.

My New Years resolution: To listen closely to my spirit and my body and not let the one overpower the other and to enjoy, love and live this year like it's my first....not my last!

This Little Light of Mine

None of us want to be nagged and pulled and disrespected into necessary change. We want to do it ourselves. Or we want to NOT do it. There is no logic in the control we try to possess over other people in our lives.

Marriage and Parenthood are two of the hardest things we will ever do. We ask more out of our spouse and children than we would EVER ask of anyone else. We can't force these people into compliance. And we shouldn't want to. The only choices we have complete control over, are our own.

I grew up in church. Many of the sermons were based on loving your neighbor, doing unto others, and witnessing. I used to get this guilty feeling every time they talked about witnessing and sharing my little light with others. It made me think of missionaries and martyrs and door to door salesman. I tried one time, in elementary, to save my fellow student who was rocking Def Leppard in her walkman. I told her she was going to hell if she listened to rock and roll. She turned really red, marched away, told everyone else how weird I was, and didn't talk to me for awhile. I don't know what I expected her to do. Maybe say, "Thanks! I didn't know that. Let me now burn my entire big hair collection." I knew I wasn't meant to be a missionary....or a salesman.

Is that what loving your neighbor is about? Is that witnessing and sharing my little light? No. That is not love. Rock and Roll will not take you to meet the Devil one day. It may lead to premarital sex, but my guess is that those two 16 yr olds were already thinking about that before Led Zeppelin sang, "Whole Lotta Love".

Witnessing is sharing TRUTH through your actions and your words. The people that I am supposed to love and treat like I want to be treated, are my family. My husband and my three daughters. These are my "neighbors", first and foremost. I don't have to get into a tiny boat and row off to a cannibalistic island with some bible tracks. I don't have to try and solve all of my friends problems and start a charity for three legged dogs. The love I have to give is, daily and unconditionally, to these 4 people that surround me. I effect, 100%, how their day will go. If I wake up full of negativity then my house reeks of it and no one is at peace. Our job on this planet is to LOVE.



















This is often harder with the people you are closest to. Have you ever noticed that? It's easier, some days, to speak kindly to the post man than it is to your spouse. It's like, all day long we give out and give out and stifle our outbursts and keep simmered until we get home and let our guard down. Then we give em what we got left, which isn't much on a bad day, and expect them to deal with it. Life is so strange. I want to be the most patient and perfect wife and mother alive. But, honestly, I think I'm getting MORE stubborn as the years roll by. I suppose if some understanding grows along with my sassy side then it will all be balanced and no one will have to go through therapy.

But my intentions are OH SO good. The one thing that saves me at the end of the day is my honesty. It may have gotten a little rough around nap time. It may not have gone perfectly when the 6 yr old spilled the entire jug of o.j. on the floor. I may have lost my temper. I may have forgotten to count to 10 before reacting. But in the same instant I floundered, I righted back topside and said, "I am sorry. Mommy does stuff like that all the time. It was an accident. I love you very much.....can you please go get the mop?"

It is weakness to lash out. It is fear based to try and force compliance. I don't believe in it. Their will is their Spirit. This is what I love so much about them, so why would I want to bend and break that. Little kids are JUST like adults, but they don't have understanding and control over their emotions. They really don't even know why they do what they do, half of the time. It's our job to help them understand this. It's our job to be on their side while they are in their unfolding stage.



















I am not saying that the kids make the rules. Obviously I have lived on this earth for 34 yrs and my 8 yr old doesn't know how to drive yet. There are also things that I will not tolerate and actions that are unacceptable in Camp Hollon. But, we all want to be liked and accepted. Our actions don't make up the entirety of our being. It is no more correct for me to bully them than it is to let them bully me.

I had a revelation while we were camping up River a couple yrs ago. I was headed up to the truck, for the 56th time, getting more "stuff" to make the kids comfy. On the way back down the hill my 3 yr old shouted, "Mom, I have to go poop!" I dropped the "stuff", held her hand, and headed up the hill for the 57th time. I realized...I am their leader and I am their servant. That is a heavy responsibility. There should be total trust there. Strength lies in weakness at times. The more "in charge" we try to be, the smaller we become. Our voices are heard in the stillness. The quiet and centered calm Mama. Oh, yes. That will be my mantra today. I want to be the still small voice. Not the fire, wind, and storm raging away.

On that same beach that we were camped on is a huge pine tree. (In fact it's the very tree that Travis and I were married under.) The roots on that tree are amazing. They stick right out of the sand. They had to move some boulders slowly, over time, and the water has tried to wash away at them year after year. They hold onto almost nothing, it seems. And yet that tree grows strong and true. That's how I want to be. I want to sway in the wind and not break. I want to move the obstacles in my life with gentle pressure and constant give. (And smelling like pine would be fine.)

Surviving The Jollies

Oh, the time to be jolly is upon us once again. I pulled the tote out from under the camper and we are all decorated up! Yes, it is possible to decorate a camper. And yes, my husband and I fought about keeping the decorations or not. I won. Well, come on! Christmas has to happen whether you move out of your house or not. And, true, you can't take EVERYTHING with you on the road, but....the Christmas tote stays!

I don't remember caring about Christmas much before we had the kids. They are really what it's all about. But I also don't believe in buying them every single thing in Wally World. It's important to make the seasons about more than presents. It helps if you don't have TV. Just seclude them on a mountain top and give them pretty rocks in their stockings.

No, really I do like to make things for the kids. I am not the most organized crafter, however. I had some pillow cases last year that got done around........... Valentines Day. But, I go around the house and find cute little tins and baskets to fill with pretty necklaces or beaded bracelets. My mom started that tradition. And it's amazing how she could turn "nothing" into something special. We may have seen the little hair tie basket a million times in the bathroom, but once she lined it with colorful cloth, placed a pretty trinket inside, and put our names on it....it was SO cool!

Of course we have to get them more than baskets filled with stuff. And this usually involves a drive to the city. I hate those big stores. Wal-mart, K-mart, Save-mart....and all the other Marts. Too much crappy plastic for me. There has to be another way. I never leave with a very good feeling. We always spend FAR too much money and come away with some major buyer's remorse and STILL feel like we didn't get it all. The truck is a sea of bags and boxes, empty cups, dry cereal, plastic wrappers, maybe a little pair of pee pee pants wadded up on the floor...hopefully not. The city outing has it's place, but as for me, I am going to try and avoid the spontaneous MAD spending this year.

Crafts. That's where it's at. I'm gonna surf the Martha Stuart website like it's my job! That'll give me some dandy ideas. Then I'm gonna make sure the kids standards are REALLY low. Maybe hide all their toys and feed em beans and rice for a couple weeks. Then...bam! They will think they hit the jack pot. "Thanks Mom!! An orange!!" "Wow, look at my bean bag, thanks guys!"

For really real, kids ARE easy to please. And, no, I won't really put them on a pioneer diet...not any more than normal.

I have been around kids that were NOT easily pleased, satisfied, or even slightly thankful for their gifts. I wanted to smack them, and their apologizing gift giver, in the face. My best friend told me a story once about her cousin's birthday. She said that he was whining about all of his gifts and generally being a @#$%. His mom grabbed up all of his gifts and handed them out, one by one, to all of the other kids at the party! For real! Now THAT is gonna teach a kid to either be thankful, scared of parties, or dang quiet about their disappointment.

Every family has their own traditions. We make new ones every once in awhile. Travis's newest is the take-all-the-decorations-down-the-day-after-Christmas-tradition. That one is a little shocking. Especially if you are HOSTING Christmas for the first time. I knew this one would freak everybody out but there is no fighting that man when he gets that look on his face. At that point...the new tradition is set.

We were renting a small 950 sq ft house. Trav went and bought like $300 worth of lights from the Riggins One Stop!! He also SANG Christmas Carols while putting them up....not on purpose, I'm sure, but because that's what happens when one is bit by the Elf Bug. I matched his spending out at the River Song Gallery with garland and fake poinsettias, aplenty. Then we purged Christmas all over North Riggins. Our breaker actually kept shorting out and every morning I had to plug in this extension cord so the freezer would turn back on. Hmmmmm, priorities.

So when my husband decided to take Christmas away on the 26th.....he had every right. He had played Santa long enough. When you live in small spaces and the tree blocks your passage to the potty, it's time to move on into the new year....with a pre-tree bon fire.

At this time every year I start thinking about money. I get worried about spending too much. I get worried about not spending enough. I wonder if it's all worth it in the end. I watch the stupid commercials and decide that I want nothing to do with it all. That's not very realistic, though. So I try to balance in the middle somewhere.

I am surrounded by blessings. I don't recognize them as blessings sometimes because I am distracted by their screaming and bouncing. But blessings they are indeed. They are the blessings of Christmas. That little hand pulling on my pant leg, those little pleading eyes, and that big fussing mouth. They all just want my TIME. And that is my LOVE. And that I can do. They think I am the bees knees and they just want me to want to BE with them. And guess what? One day I am going to want the same thing from them!! SO I hope that the gift I can give is patience when I want to scream, a snuggle when I'm "too" busy to sit, and a reading a book when all I want to do is close my eyes. May we all make choices that allow us to notice, enjoy and make time for our little blessings.