Time, My Friend

It's finally happening. I am getting old. I can't believe it.

The 16 year old girls were standing there talking about NOTHING and doing so with dramatic tones. I started to lose concentration and think about dinner, the dishes, Christmas presents, the weather...adult things. The story was about some guy in her health class that is suicidal. That should keep my interest, but alas, no. I didn't even perk up when she told me about the outfit she bought....oh yeah, I never really cared about that stuff. Shoes and hats, yes. Outfits, no. I felt the age gap and don't get me wrong, I really didn't mind. I realized finally why I hear so many people say that they wouldn't go back for a million dollars.

At 16 you are so resolute and so ignorant. I remember. You do a report on something and then you "know" all about it. Yeah, right. There are life experiences that go so much further than books ever will. And, it's nothing you would wish on a 16 yr old. Truthfully, they will learn it in time and no need to be in a hurry. But to identify with stories about boyfriends and classes and outfits....ahhh, it's leaving me. I would rather hear about my 6 yr old's dream. I would rather listen to my 2 yr old sing that funny song about the dog again. Kids don't recite another adult's idea back to you. They have their own way of thinking and their own way of expressing it and it's always new and exciting.


I have doubled my age since I was 17. That is very weird. I am around the same age that my Mom was when she had her 4th child. My oldest daughter is the same age that Trav's little brother was when she was born. He's 16 now. That's how old Travis was when I met him. When I started dating Travis, that same little brother was 2! Travis and I will be together LONGER than we've been apart in 4 more years! I will be 38 then and my little fat baby will be 6. Time is the strangest phenomenon ever. I don't understand it. It is graceful, kind, mean, and unforgiving. It just is.

I don't want to get old and saggy and humped over and lose hair where it should be and get it where it shouldn't. I don't want big ears and a really big nose. I don't want to be close to death. I don't want to cut and perm my hair and wear stockings and nurses shoes.

I think I will let it grow long and gray like a witch and wear moccasins and hippie dresses. I will listen to loud music and drive a datsun pickup and have lots of books and smoke a long professor pipe. I will have sunshine all the time, if we have to move our tipi to get it. I will sit with my old man by the river and jump in even at risk of a heart attack. I will pat my dog on the head and feed him deer steak and let him sleep at the foot of our bed. I will have lots of grand kids that are too loud and I will feed them honey toast and bananas. I will tell them stories of when me and Gramps were young. I will tell them all of the funny things that their mothers used to do when they were little. We will stay up late by the fire and we will travel around in a funny little motor home. I will stop and pick fruit at every tree I see and will pull over for every garage sale...just to "look". I will wait for my husband while he reminisces with old friends at the hardware store and I will look at the paper with him over coffee.

I guess it won't be so bad. I guess, if I live every day RIGHT NOW, like I won't ever get it back then I will have no regrets and I will leave no stone unturned and no fun un-done. I will leave a legacy behind me. That's what parents do. That is our creation; our masterpiece. And look at all those beautiful colors!